Predators (2010) - A Ruined Memory  
| I... am a Predator virgin. I've never seen a Predator movie; new or old. They have never interested me. When I first saw the trailer for the new Predators though, I was slightly intrigued. The director didn't exactly instill confidence in me either; have you seen Vacancy or Armored? Add to my slight interest and some pretty positive reviews and I was sold... I was going to pop my metaphorical Predators cherry. You always want your first time to be memorable but preferably for good reasons. Well, I am now regretting my decision. I have to live with this forever. It is now a ruined memory.
There is very little resemblance of a plot. Eight ethnically diverse elite warriors (we've got Japanese, African, Mexican, Russian and then some) are randomly dropped in an unfamiliar forest left to draw their own conclusions. Turns out they are being hunted by three relentless aliens known as Predators. The humans predictably get picked off one by one until (you’ll never guess who lives at the end) only two remain and… no Predators are left. How the hell do these humans defeat three invisible creatures with superior weaponry and skills? Or how does the Russian Gatling Gun (firing something like 2000 rounds per minute) completely miss a wild boar running at you? The suspension of disbelief is stretched thin in Predators.
The film is very repetitive and very boring and as I mentioned earlier, very predictable. The first half is extremely boring as there is little happening on screen; just a lot of talking and assessing. However, this may not have been so bad had the writing not of been so horrible. It irritated me so much that Adrien Brody’s character just happened to pick up on everything so easily and explain everything to us so nicely. Thanks for that Adrien. Get a load of this exchange:
Royce (Adrien Brody): We're being hunted. The cages, soldiers; all of us. We were all brought here for the same purpose. This planet is a game preserve, and we're the game. In case you didn't notice, we just got flushed out. They sent the dogs in. Just like you would if you were stalking boar or shooting quail. They split us apart and they watched. Testing us.
Isabelle (Alice Braga): How do you know this?
Royce: Because, that’s what I do.
How bad is that? This is a prime example of poor writing without fleshing out characters or developing them. He just knows because that is what he does. Wow. There were numerous other exchanges similar to this where characters just know things like they’ve done it all before. The characters were so uninteresting that you could really care less about them so you wanted to see them die a painful death just to end your own misery. Like I said before, take a wild guess who the two surviving “warriors” are.
Laurence Fishburne’s character was a total write off; a complete waste of time and talent. His character really served no purpose at all and his lines were terrible. Another example of very poor writing. I can’t even show you an example because they are so bad. The other actors were also terrible. Adrien Brody is not believable as a big macho military man ala Arnold Schwarzenegger. Topher Grace was laughable as the wimpy “doctor,” especially at the end when his stupid-as-hell twist is revealed. They were all just so bad.
The score also annoyed the hell out of me. It didn’t fit at all. It felt like it was for a completely different movie. The action felt cheap and stolen from another movie. There was nothing original about the movie. I was also disappointed that the “alien” planet basically looked like Earth – if we were told that is was another planet, I would have thought that it was Earth. They should have had some more fun with the art direction; go crazy!
I have nothing else to add. There are no redeeming qualities to this movie and you should avoid it at all costs; even if you are a Predators fan. A terrible waste of time and money. I wish I had my own cloaking device that I could through over the screen so I wouldn't have to watch this drivel.
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